How you and your partner talk with each other affects the health of your relationship. After all, good communication is vital to any relationship, be it romantic or professional. Nothing is not resolved over a nice and careful exchange of thoughts.

Say what you need.

Instead of immediately pointing out what you think is the other person’s mistake, start with pointing out things you need — more time, more attention, more thoughtfulness, etc. This way, you would not sound as though you are blatantly criticizing them, and they would not feel as though you are attacking them.

Listen when the other is talking.

Talking about issues entails listening. When your partner is talking, keep yourself from interrupting as much as possible. It’s so tempting to respond angrily to some points you disagree with, but raising your voice while the other is talking only fuels a heated argument that doesn’t resolve anything.

Ask questions. Do not assume.

Many people rely on their hunches too much. Hunches can be a product of our personal biases and irrational thinking and can sometimes backfire wildly. Never make unfounded assumptions. Ask your partner about something that is bothering you before jumping into conclusions.

Insert not past issues.

Past issues that you have resolved need not be brought up in current argument. Just talk about your current issue. Digressing is not only illogical but is also adding insult to injury. The next thing you know, you’re talking about more than one issue and you end the day with animosity for each other.

Acknowledge your shortcomings.

You might have done something that has led to this predicament in your relationship. Or you might share the bigger role in it. If you want to patch things up, there is one thing you need to do — keep your ego at bay. We tend to go on a defense mode and rationalize our mistakes. This is a good way to injure a relationship. Know your faults, and admit them.

Be sensitive to your partner’s feelings.

Choose the right words when resolving issues. Just because it is their fault doesn’t mean it’s right to disrespect them and burn them with invective. Everyone makes mistakes. Your partner is not a perfect machine incapable of making mistakes, and just because they make mistakes doesn’t mean you can hurt and break them.

Calm down.

Don’t engage in an argument when you are angry. We tend to get irrational when we are angry. We tend to assume. We tend to think we are immune to errors. We tend to lay all the blame on the other person.

So if you are fuming, get out. Have some fresh air. Come back when you’re calm, and commence the talk.

Try considering the other person’s perspective.

Something may seem right from your perspective, but try imagining yourself in your partner’s shoes. Try to understand their motivations. This way, you would gain some insight into their behavior and choices, helping you understand them. Ask yourself this question: what would you have done if you were in their situation? Of course, this doesn’t apply to every situation, but it’s worth understanding why your partner acted in a way they did.

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